Did I tell you that I’m surrounded by nice people? Whose hearts are pure, willing to take care of each other, supportive, and understanding? One of them gives me an opportunity to isolate myself from the others by letting me stay at her apt while she is traveling with her hubby for a week. It feels like when I was at the Uni, where I lived alone in my apt; cooked by myself, watched movies and YouTube channels, had an unlimited me time I desired; wrote stories, crafted imaginations, poetry reading night with zero audiences and a spotlight, made captions with thoughtful research, etc.
Other than that, one also gives an opportunity to learn more by giving a free ticket for two days event called Wealth Wisdom 2019. It was fun. We attended a talk show class with my favorite director talking on the stage, Mas Yandy Laurens. After issues he told to the audience and points of the main topic he explained, he told an inspiring story about how he and his older brother persuaded their mother to move out from Makassar, either to Jakarta or a smaller city 5 hours away from Makassar.
The point of his story was their mother refused the idea of moving. She liked to be in Makassar eventhough she’s alone. Mas Yandy himself told that sometimes we, as children, couldn’t accept someone like our parents because we have a standard of what our parents should be. It could be applied to other contexts, like “our achievement from the past won’t be a hundred percent determine our future career” or “our past relationship can’t be compared to the next” just because they are different. Yes, we learned, but we can’t force anyone or anything to be in the standard we crafted in our head. There’s no 100% possibility to win or lose, it always 50:50.
The best place for their mother is neither Jakarta the urban city nor the smaller city where life could runs slow, but the Makassar itself where their mother could feel home.
Home is about familiarity.Yandy Laurens, Wealth Wisdom, Aug 14th 2019
Home is feeling, house is physic. Perhaps, that’s why I keep circling the pattern. As I feel familiar with his traits, that goes inline with You. The last memory I could remember about You, seems posses in him. I cried again at the event hall, while others were laughing at Mas Yandy’s jokes, thinking why should You give me this name, inspired from a little girl who said that she loved her dad so much over the phone on a telecommunication company advertising on TV? Why You have to be that lovely, insisted me subtly and implicitly to love You?
Your pray has granted. After 11 years since Your absence, I still crave Your hug, our pizza dating, Your brought-home pint of Häagen-Dazs or Baskin Robbins or Ragusa, Your nasi goreng creation, our home-made burger, Your A&W root beer float, oyster sauce chicken teriyaki, our shopping time when You brought many shirts and batik to wear to office but You let me pick my favorite one so You could wear something that I liked, Your backpack choices, Your values about quality over quantity of things and time and relationship, Your way to appreciate others of their smallest effort, our basketball throwing session, our weekend bicycle, our morning jogging/badminton, our evening tea, and the most longing moment was the afternoon talking. Just us. When uda and adek were busy playing with friends, mama was at her office, You and I were sitting together and shared stories.
I know this is wrong, to love someone more than anything, but I love You. That’s why I look for someone like you. Unfortunately, no one ever sees me the way I see them. That what makes me afraid of feeling this way. I’m afraid of loving that same person like I used to because I’m afraid to get hurt. This passage will be long if I continue with the domino effect explanation of getting hurt.