Refleksi tentang Trust Issue

Trust issue menjadi masalah yang tidak terlihat namun benar adanya. Mengapa demikian? Karena saya lihat sendiri bagaimana mereka yang memiliki masalah tersebut berhati-hati memberikan kepercayaannya. Di lain sisi, saya juga melihat bagaimana orang kebanyakan (yang saya lihat di media sosial, di film, lagu) bahkan di sekitar saya menyepelekan amanah yang diberikan seseorang kepadanya berupa rasa percaya. Saya terlalu banyak melihat? Ya, karena saya akui bahwa itu salah satu keahlian saya. Saat beberapa diam untuk mengosongkan pikiran, berkhayal, atau untuk berpikir, diam saya lebih banyak untuk mengamati (berkhayal urutan kedua).

Minggu ini saya bertemu beberapa teman dekat yang menyadarkan beberapa hal terkait trust issue. Dari mereka saya mulai menghubungkan titik-titik untuk menemukan tujuan keberadaan saya di dunia ini, mengapa saya begini dan bagaimana saya dapat menyikapi banyak hal.

Continue reading “Refleksi tentang Trust Issue”

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Sore yang Cantik

“Mengapa Sore selalu cantik?”

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Cantik itu subjektif. Tidak semua suka sore, waktu tanggung antara Siang dan Malam. Kadang, orang lebih suka Siang yang terang benderang, lainnya memilih malam yang gelap gulita dengan alasan beragam.

Bahkan Sore yang kamu anggap cantik dengan kemilau sinar oranye, pada waktu tertentu terlihat kelabu. Pernah suatu waktu ia terlihat gelap dan sedikit basah. Pada bulan tertentu, tidak tanggung-tanggung banjir terjadi akibat hujan besar di sore hari.

Sore tidak selalu cantik, tapi kamu yang membuatnya menarik. Lewat cerita, harap, kenangan yang disusun melalui perspektifmu. Segala sesuatu hidup dalam perspektif orang lain dan kamu hanya bisa menunjukkan ingin seperti apa dilihat, bukan mengatur bagaimana orang melihat.

Seseorang Sepertiku

 – Zhafir & Ivanasha

Seseorang berkata ingin menemukan dirinya versi yang lain, mungkin agar lebih mudah dimengerti dan memahami. Menurutku kalau ingin berhasil, kalau sifat dan kecenderungannya sama, minimal sikapnya beda. Kalau sama semua malah tumpang tindih. Maka banyak pula mereka yang memiliki sifat 180° namun tetap bersama.

Hal fundamental seperti prinsip, visi, dan misi butuh untuk sama agar tercipta titik temu. Keberadaan perbedaan itu mutlak, agar dapat saling mengisi bagian yang kosong, menjadikannya lengkap. Itulah yang menjadikannya indah, sebuah seni menemukan yang tak pernah terpikirkan.

Lemari

Lemarimu penuh dan aku gak suka berjejal dalam ruangan sempit. Rapikan, buang yang gak lagi perlu. Kalau memang gak mau usaha beres-beres, jangan beli isi baru. Makanya cari kualitas dan sesuai dengan yang kamu suka, agar awet. Lemari tambahan bukan solusi, malah bikin mubazir dan mempersempit rumah. Lagian, emang kamu bisa bayarnya? Itu kan gak ternilai.

Bukan karena lemah, tapi hanya lelah selalu mengalah yang berujung pergi dan menyendiri. Dalihnya untuk menjaga diri. Sejengkal dua jengkal benar, sisanya masih misteri.

P.s. Lemariku sudah rapih

You only come when you need me

Someone asked, “why do you come to me only when you’re in needs?”

Mostly, I go somewhere and do something alone to experience things. Time and experience are precious for me, so I’ve got to spend it wisely. I rarely ask someone to join me, unless I want to share the moment with him/her. I love to share, especially with the closest. I don’t need anyone to entertain me, I need him/her as a person to share with, to know what I love doing. I let them come into my life to understand who I am. So if I ever ask, it means that I really want to spend my time with him/her. If anyone seems bothered with my needs, feel free to tell, then I’ll do as I’m told.

T’s Ideal Sunday

I imagined that this weekend would be used to sleep all day, as I ruined my sleep schedule in past two weeks. But as Mas Reno said “You won’t have a good night’s sleep after graduating, Cha. You gotta work your ass off till you’ve reached your limit and be satisfied with the result.”

Here I am at 5:30 a.m., on my way to Studio 5 at Antasari Street. I’ll do a commercial product photo shoot as a Brand Manager’s assistant. Set the needed properties, associated to build style’s mood, timekeeper, and make sure every detail are checked.

So instead of having pity on myself, I’d like to create a list about how the perfect Tasha’s weekend probably going.

– Cool weather/breezy day.
Yea if one asks me which one would I choose between a sunny or rainy season, I’d answer rainy, but to be honest: I can’t choose. Sunny season creates joy, grows numerous colorful flowers, especially sunflowers, and no wet streets anywhere, but sometimes it’s too hot to be outside. While the rainy season creates contentment, the perfect reason to stay at home.
– Someone to talk to.
Yup, about everything he/she knows, their interest, to find another perspective, exchange values, get inspiration, their struggle to learn from, understand one’s thought through conversation, to define the undefined, opening the closed door.
– Movie marathon. It’d be great to do with the closest.
– Slices of apple, pressed orange, mashed banana.
– Discover new things, meet new people.
– Going on an adventure.
– Strolling in city park.
– Sipping coffee or tea, enjoying its relaxing smell.
Thank god my new Earl Grey Tea, with the combination of black tea, lime, and bergamot smells so damn good. Still looking for a favorite perfume to use, leaving a trace of my smell in every place I walk on, creating memories to people I talk with, reinforcing my identity among people around.

Mood Turbulence

I have no idea what happened to me on Wed, Thu, and Fri. A week before the D-Day, I had super low self-esteem. I felt like a crap who got no purpose in life. I felt like no one cares about my existence. Like I was only a bunch of blood streams, bones, fats, meats, connected, organized, functioned as it is. A formality with no value attached. Perhaps, it was the result of realizing what has happened between me and some people from the past. Why the hell I was so melancholic about days before today? Was it because the past is absolute, as no one can change it?

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missing my mirror

a dominant Ti with inferior Fe told the aux Fi with tertiary Te not to show feeling. now she’s clueless what to do, as if her life has been wronged this whole time. she remembered the aux Fe with tertiary Ti said: “why do you have to listen to other people?”

she understood the concept and always wanted to do it, but somehow she couldn’t. she misses her mirror, for telling her something she can’t, to give her hope that she has the potential to do that thing.

she also needs her counterpart, the dominant Fi with inferior Te who has been busy a whole month. she needs ears to listen, not words to tell her what to do something she isn’t.

perhaps, planning to meet her clan would be better.

Past is a Part of Oneself

At this hour (01:51) I still can’t sleep even after a long day of commuting from Jatinangor at 06:55 to SCBD, met Happy5 folks, ate Soto Taman Mpu Sendok my love from last year, went to LINE Indonesia to meet an appointment, wandered in Grand Lucky, walked back to Happy5 and work some things out till 16:45, took TransJakarta to BKN, then sat in Primajasa Ekonomi AC back to Jatinangor and arrived at 21:04. Wait… It was still going on with waited for angkot ngetem until 22:00 and finally made decision to take an ojek instead (what the hella I paid 5x more expensive than taking an angkot). Took a warm shower then placed some of my things in a box.

Well, what I want to say is I love how Kak Afu thinks about how past, childhood especially, shapes us. By being aware of past’s involvement in shaping our behavior, traits, and thinking, somehow we tend to accept it easily because we just can’t change how our past went. We only can control the present with our doings to make new beautiful past for tomorrow, that simplified by anonymous into a quote “Do something today that your future self will thank you for.” Which is a quote I find inspiring since 2012 and motivates me to keep on going, learning, planning, and dreaming.