i always love to shut the bedroom lights off into a complete dark, before going to bed. so i can see dim lights produced by some chemical inside the materials of glow-in-the-dark star stickers i glued on my wall. filtered lights from a street lamp outside the house that get into my room from a two-door window, usually give yellowish yet reddish soothing ambiance (or radical like a crime scene, yet sensual like wong kar wai’s fallen angels). i’d feel safe and content, to be able recognizing the stickers shape as sharp as i can. i just stare at them, the stickers, until unconsciously the unconsciousness take over my consciousness. take it down, sink me into another dark vacuum. sometimes it could be as colorful as a park of rainbows or as exciting as a road trip with familiar faces, but lately, it’s nothing there. nothing to remember, nothing to imagine. it feels more like a lapse, quiet and serene.
I’ve planned if anyone ask where I am, I would answer that I’m nowhere. I don’t feel like meeting anybody today. But guess what, when I don’t want to be found, you found me. Maybe it’s something, maybe it’s nothing. But I guess I have to thank the universe for making me believe that I’m never been left.
Yellow wraps green.